Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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