420 ftw
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
