I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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