I wish i was in the wii world.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
