I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
