i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
