we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
