Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
