Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
