yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
