the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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