well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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