Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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