the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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