does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
