I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
