Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
