Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
