complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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