Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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