Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
