Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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