I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
