also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
