nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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