they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
