Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
