So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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