I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
