There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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