is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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