C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
