You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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