Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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