I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
