Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
