I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
