He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
