I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
