i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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