I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
