ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
