I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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