I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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