apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
