I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
