I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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