My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
