i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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