He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
