im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My hand turned me down
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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