I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
