Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
