no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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