JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
