We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
