I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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