does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My bed smells like the plague
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
