We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
