my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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