Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
