I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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