you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
