take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
