she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
