pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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