it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
