just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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