all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
