Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
